Marriage: Challenging Old Patterns

"To make room for something new to happen in your life is to see without filters. You can ignite the spark of fresh ideas and aliveness within your body when you step out of the shadow of the past. You take off a veil of tired old reactions and patterns and step into the reality of the moment."
- Charlotte Kasl, If the Buddha Got Stuck

I'm in wedding mode - talking photo shoots, planning the honeymoon, addressing invitations - and in the midst of it all mulling over what it means to be married.

Having been there once before and failed (at the marriage, not at the relationship and its purpose) I can't help but colour my perception of being married with that experience, wondering what to do differently and what it takes to make it work. Reading the above passage last night triggered a thought that maybe I should stop doing that.

By focusing on the past I'm creating my present and future based on the person I used to be and outdated expectations of how I thought my life would turn out. Maybe if I let that go - or at least let it be - I'll free up the emotional space it's been hogging and make room not only for new experiences based on who I am today, but maybe even a new definition of what marriage could be.

I've known this intellectually for a while, last night it seems to have clicked at another level.

Gone is the belief that being married means losing myself, I can be me and we can be we.

Ousted is the expectation that being married necessarily means buying a house and settling down if that's not what we want. All of a sudden I'm thinking road trips, travelling across North America with Cassie in tow, parking our Airstream by a secluded lake for a midday skinny-dip.

In are the notions of discovery, choice and possibility.

I'm thinking adventure in tandem, whether that means hitting the road or setting roots, and that excites me.

How liberating.

Wedding Update

cover of Chatelaine magazine June 1932

illustration by Jack Keay

I'm in wedding mode - more than I ever imagined I could be. Not only am I obsessed with wedding blogs, but tonight I actually found myself cruising Etsy for vintage cake platters. OMG.

Maybe it's because it's getting closer. Maybe it's because I, miss project planner extraordinaire, miscounted the number of months left and realized that no, there are not five months left - there are only four!

So in an attempt to make me feel like all is under control I thought I'd entertain you with a tally on wedding plans to date...

Date: June 27th, 2009

Format: closed morning ceremony & luncheon followed by an open evening reception/cake-cutting party at our place

Venue: garden ceremony, luncheon in a haunted 1800s Georgian style manor transformed into a Keg restaurant; evening party is at our house

Ceremony: handfasting ceremony, officiant is booked

Music: jazz trio booked for the morning (our special splurge); iPod for the party - playlist tbd but dance tunes there will be!

Guest list: 99% confirmed (I'm a perfectionist, it's hard for me to claim something is 100% complete)

Invitations: wording is drafted, design is unknown; still don't know if they'll be DIY or ordered from someone else

Wedsite: don't laugh, we're considering it; it's a practical and fun way to get RSVPs

Photographer: booked!

Dress: shopping date booked for March 14th, can't spill the beans here on style 'cause D. reads the blog; starting to think I should dust off the hand weights I got for my 25th birthday to tone

Et voilà. I'm not really freaking out; things are under control and whatever isn't, well, we have four months to do something about it or let it go. As far as I'm concerned as long as we exchange vows and celebrate with friends and family we're golden.

But it would be fun to have vintage cake platters wouldn't it? :)

Getting Hitched!

I'm getting hitched. Married. Tying the knot.

I was going to write a drawn out post about my reaction to marriage this second time 'round (for those who don't know, I've been married before), but it's too depressing and frankly, moot point. It involved panic attacks, cold sweats and lots of baggage & healing (all on my part) and let me just say that D's a trooper and I am one lucky gal. Maybe someday I'll delve into it, maybe not.

So on with the happy news (although most of you have probably already figured it out)... this chick's getting married!!! {insert nervous, joyous, squeals of glee}

We're thinking a June wedding this year. We're thinking small, we're thinking a house party, I'm thinking one of those air-propelled sky dancer bonhommes you see on car dealership lots - or a bouncy castle.

Although I'll try to keep myself in check and not saturate you with wedding details, I suspect you'll see a post or two on the subject during the next few months 'cause, well, it's just plain fun!

Now if you'll excuse me, I must get back to reading my copy of Offbeat Bride...