Computer Woes

[crickets chirping]

It's been pretty quiet here lately; I'm having computer woes and funny things are happening with blogs, Facebook and my 10-year-old operating system. If you haven't heard from me on your blog or on Facebook it's because I can't comment or even give you a status update [gasp!]. I feel so disconnected.

I think the stars are aligning to signal that it's time to either a) upgrade my crap or b) take a time-out from the computer. But here I am on my laptop so ah-hah take that stars!! (I'm kidding of course, you should never mess around with the stars.)

Seriously though, the lack of dependability on my PC is stressing me out and downright annoying. Thankfully I live with a geek who has my best interest - and indirectly his - at heart. He's helping me out as I type. Sigh. I heart my geek.

So rest assured that I am still alive and kicking, hoping to be kicking online soon like I was before. But maybe, just maybe in the meantime, I shall heed the stars and step away from the computer to seize the day. Or maybe I'll just continue surfing on my laptop.

Word for 2009: Create

My brain is all over the place and has been for several weeks. I am windswept with ideas and projects and wants and hopes and fears and loves. I am tormented about what could be as it reminds me of how I'm resisting the urge to pursue it. I am content and dissatisfied. Supportive and envious. Accepting and impatient. A constant dichotomy of the interior landscape.

This usually means I need a change, but the problem is I don't know where to start.

Although I haven't yet declared it publicly, this year's word or theme has slowly been making its way into my psyche. It started with Action, transformed into Yes and has since evolved to Create, as in Creating-the-life-I-want.

I create fulfilling, meaningful relationships.
I create joy and colour in my surroundings.
I create financial intelligence, integrity and independence.
I create peace.
I create fulfilling, meaningful work that contributes to values of beauty, connection, nature and personal growth, and allows me to live the same level of lifestyle I enjoy now.
I create my contribution and commitment to a loving, nurturing and accepting relationship with my soon-to-be husband that allows us to grow, discover and play, both individually and as a couple.
I create a loving, nurturing and accepting relationship with myself.
I create space for new connections, experiences and the unknown.
I create a healthy body, mind and soul by tending to their needs.
I create community and connection.
I create fun and lightheartedness.
I create spiritual reflection and a loving relationship with my Higher Power.
I create art.
I create life - one day at a time.

Create, my word for 2009. Maybe I'll start with that.

Corners of Our Home

A year ago yesterday D, Cassie and I moved in together. To celebrate, I thought I'd share a few photos offering you a glimpse into the home we've since created:

sunroom and Cassie in the morning light

bust on Bjursta buffet

afternoon shadows on clawfoot tub

light-filled landing

vanity by the window

Seeing these makes it obvious that natural light is a big part of our living space; it's also a big part of what my soul needs to be healthy. I'm grateful that we found a house that meets that need so beautifully.

Grateful Friday the 13th

A quick list of gratefuls before going to work on this Friday the 13th:

• D, Cassie and our home
• my registration for Squam and all my first choice workshops
• painting
• my health and the health of those around me
• it's Friday!
• plans to go see Jim Cuddy play at Winterlude tonight
• a three-day weekend coming up
• a sunny weather forecast for the next four or five days
• it's Friday! (I'm aware it's a repeat)
• crossing a few to-dos off of my list this week
• a few dates for dinner and tea with kindred spirits planned for next week
• a good week at my day job so far

Till the next time...

Bleh

I have the blahs tonight. Cabin fever. "Le mal de place." Bleh.

I long to escape, to explore and feel the sun on my face. I long to write, to hang out with friends in coffeehouses and throw myself into my creative projects with the abundance and vibrancy of spring! I long to gracefully navigate the contrast between days off filled with creative highs and weekdays that leave me drained after a day's work.

I long to be, without schedule, without obligation.

That's not so much to ask for is it?

Wishing you warmth, sunshine and oodles of goodness,
Steph
xo

ps - This brilliant post by the lovely Jeanine at Wonderings & Wanderings captures it best and gave me a much-needed chuckle. I hope it gives you one too.

Grateful Friday

Mika on my art table

In the midst of a bout of the February Blahs, I thought I'd list a few things for which I am grateful to help pick me up:

• Sunshine, blue skies and milder temperatures!
• Local berries frozen last summer for a midwinter treat
• Two paintings produced this past week: Giselle and Mika (above)
• D, Cassie and our home
• My health
• Fresh, organic, local veggies delivered to my door every Friday
• Friends and family
• An evening of laughter, Pictionary and Rock Band with D's brother and his girlfriend
• Three boxes of stuff purged, packed and dropped off at Sally Ann
• An evening of reading and writing at my local coffee shop
• Squam Art Workshops
• Free outdoor concerts during Winterlude, Ottawa's winter carnival
• The Mad Chatters
• A creative burst of energy and the opportunity to learn how to manage it so I don't crash
• Wonderful blogs that inform, entertain and inspire
• An obligation-free three-day weekend coming up

I feel better already. :)

Reflections of a Facebook Newbie

Things that have crossed my mind since joining Facebook two weeks ago:

• Now I have one more thing to check when I log in: email, my blog, other blogs, Facebook.
• For the past four years I've worked to keep my life separate from my ex-husband's, now there's a chance our lives may connect virtually through mutual friends. It's forcing me to manage those connections and deal with some baggage. I'm not sure to what extent I'm ready for that.
• It's fun to connect - or re-connect - with friends and family through casual comments, questions & photos. I enjoy getting a glimpse into their everyday lives.
• I crave validation and want to belong just as much as I did in junior high. Although I'm not all that surprised, I didn't think it would be that immediate or obvious; joining Facebook brought those insecurities to the surface. Damn.
• Since joining Facebook, I spend more time writing and reading snippets of information and less time writing and reading in-depth pieces. I want to manage that. I don't want my writing and blog posts to take a hit.
• When I look people up on Facebook I feel like a stalker. I'm not sure I'm comfortable with that.
• Connecting with the girls from Squam on Facebook brings me right back to last September's magical weekend in New Hampshire. It keeps me in tune with a creative vibe that makes me feel alive and fills me with Love and possibility. It feels good.

Facebook challenges my ability to manage my time, my emotional reactions and my priorities more than I thought it would. It also allows me to nurture existing connections with friends & family, and opens me to new connections and opportunities that otherwise might not happen.

As I read through my list of thoughts, I can't help but wonder if it's having the same effect on others and if so, what kind of impact - pros and cons - could that mean for society as more and more people adopt a "Facebook" way of life?

Just a few thoughts from a Facebook newbie...

Sweet Song

A cardinal sings outside my window this morning. I am delighted.