Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Not Quite Yet

I'm planning a virtual move. I have a new blog waiting in the wings, its welcome post written and ready to post. I even have a farewell post ready for this one. But I just can't do it.

Maybe the gremlins are responsible, trying to sabotage a next step towards creating the life I've been dreaming of for the past eight years. Or maybe there's still healing to be done, tears to be shed and sabbaticals to be mourned. Maybe it's a combination of both or something completely unrelated.

I can't pinpoint why, but I don't think I'm ready to turn the page on my Urban Living Experiment quite yet.

So just for today, I won't.

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Sunday, April 26, 2009

Mer Bleue Hike: A Few Photos

"And so I go into the woods. As I go in under the trees, dependably, almost at once, and by nothing I do, things fall into place."
- Wendell Berry, A Native Hill

home

birches standing tall

silhouette of a Northern Flicker

trout lily

hiking compadres

trillium

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Saturday, April 25, 2009

Grateful Saturday

Because I want to highlight all the goodness that surrounds me right now...
  • hanging out with D on the couch listening to a never-ending Supertramp song
  • paints & colours & textures, oh my!
  • our first sunny 20+ Celsius day of the year
  • hiking a new-to-me trail at the Mer Bleue bog (#8 on 36 Things)
  • the abstract painting class I started on Wednesday (#32 & #36 for at least 10 weeks) and the possibilities that come with trying something new
  • chickadees, cardinals and woodpeckers outside my window
  • Sis, Lala, and all the Squammettes
  • last year's Squam experience (still!)
  • my health
  • the roof over my head
  • healthy food
  • my paycheck and the flexibility it allows me
  • the Mad Chatters
  • RSVPs trickling in for the wedding
  • the prospect of a happy, healthy, adventure-filled marriage with D (and Cassie)
  • my morning pages
  • a trip to Montreal to the The Tragically Hip next Friday, another one in August to see AC/DC (floor tickets for that one!)
  • and so much more...
I've been feeling envious, frustrated and discontent lately. Thanks to Christine Mason Miller's (aka Swirly) latest post, this Miniature Earth video helped put things into perspective. Check it out if you have a few minutes.

What are you grateful for today?

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Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Earth Day Wendell

"we and our country create one another, depend on one another, are literally part of one another; that our land passes in and out of our bodies just as our bodies pass in and out of our land; that as we and our land are part of one another, so all who are living as neighbors here, human and plant and animal, are part of one another, and so cannot possibly flourish alone"
- Wendell Berry, excerpt from The Unsettling of America

Happy Earth Day.
xox

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Monday, April 20, 2009

Francesca

Francesca

Meet Francesca. She's a product of this afternoon's playtime in the studio.


With Giselle parked on the windowsill for inspiration, I decided to try my hand at something similar and am thrilled with the result! Once Francesca's settled for a day or two she may get a bit of tweaking, but for today I'm happy.

I love the newness of painting faces. Some are pretty bad and get painted right over, but others work out and when that happens I get a natural high.

I couldn't wait to share her with you.

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Thursday, April 16, 2009

Weekend Artist Date in Montreal: A Trip Report


4:45am - The alarm clock rings. Remarkably, after only one snooze I stumble out of bed and into the shower. The dog doesn't stir; it's even too early for her.

5:45am – I send a last-minute email to an acquaintance in Montreal on the off chance she may be available for coffee. A groggy D. waits patiently to drive me to the bus station.

6:00am – I pick up the ticket I bought online the day before, grab a coffee and two toasts – white bread with butter please – at the bus station’s canteen. I drag a still groggy pre-coffee D. in the photo booth with me to commemorate the moment. He's such a good sport.

7:00am – I’m on the bus, window seat, empty aisle seat beside me. The sun is shining, life is good. I take in the scenery and consult my copy of Montréal's 25 Best by Fodor’s. The trip goes by fast.

9:30am – Knowing that I’ll most likely be wandering the Museum of Fine Arts till mid-afternoon, I proactively stuff myself with a greasy breakfast consisting of eggs, toasts – white bread with butter please, hashbrowns, tomatoes, about seven slices of bacon and a cup of coffee. Oh my.

10:30am – After a quick ride on the metro I’m at the Museum. I love this place.

10:30-13:30 - I blissfully take in the Van Dongen exhibit - the reason for making the trek in the first place - and am not disappointed. His paintings speak to me. The subjects engage me. The colours inspire me to be bold in my own artistic play. I discover (or maybe confirm?) that I like portraits. I also take in the Imagine exhibit, commemorating the anniversary of John and Yoko's famous bed-in at Montreal's Queen Elizabeth Hotel 40 years ago. I don't know what to expect, but am pleasantly surprised; I am moved to tears more than once and leave feeling centered and at peace.

13:31 – Tired from museum-ing, I consider hopping an early bus back to Ottawa. I’ve done what I came here to do; I could leave now and be entirely content with my day.

13:32-15:00 – I decide to stay a while and meander the streets of Montreal: Sherbrooke, Saint-Laurent, Prince Arthur, St Denis. I enter Café Gitana to grab a coffee and a light bite to eat, but am intimidated by the Turkish coffee contraptions on the table. I leave and find a more traditional café, vowing to come back someday and try the Turkish one.

15:00-16:00 – I walk back to the bus station, but am drawn to the public library branch located across the street. I catch an exhibit by Monique Charbonneau called "Le goût de l'encre" (literally translated to The Taste of Ink) and shop at the library’s boutique. I score a three funky journals for my morning pages and a few other trinkets.

16:00-19:30 - I wait in line and hop an early bus home. My day here is done, I am content. I cross #6 off my 36 Things.

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Tuesday, April 14, 2009

A Post of Yearnings

I yearn to write.
I yearn to sleep.
I yearn to paint.
I yearn to be without obligations, to go with the flow.
I yearn to take photos.
I yearn for laughter and lightheartedness.
I yearn for continued movement on my road to financial independence.
I yearn to work on the self-paced course for which I just signed up.
I yearn to work on my new blog.
I yearn to reconnect with my body and get out of my head.
I yearn to connect with D and be present.
I yearn to read.
I yearn to study artists, writers and other creative souls and profile them on my blog.
I yearn to connect with local artists.
I yearn to try a different kind of work more aligned with my values and interests - to try my luck and skills at being an entrepreneur.
I yearn to work from home.
I yearn to let go of my fear of flying and travel.
I yearn to cook healthy, flavourful meals to be savoured slowly.
I yearn for a clean house.
I yearn for colour.
I yearn for sunshine, warmth and the salty sea air I grew up with.
I yearn to get out of my own world and give, to want to give.
I yearn to do nothing and be at peace.
I yearn to take action and be at peace.
I yearn to stop yearning.

Admitting to these and writing them down helps. What do you yearn for today?

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Friday, April 10, 2009

This Week's Photographic Play

overripe fig on windowsill

Mannie (the mannequin)

wedding invitations ready to go

springy goodness I

springy goodness II

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Thursday, April 09, 2009

Tonight I Sleep

I feel tired. Zonked.

Looming deadlines at work have had me putting in more hours than usual for the past five weeks, with three more to go before all is due. The wedding had us in a crunch these past few weeks to get the invitations out. Both tasks exercise the same, left-brain project planning muscles and the lack of respite has finally caught up with me.

It's time to switch gears.

Tonight I took a break from the to-dos. Tomorrow I will too. I may even paint. Saturday, I may hop a train to Montreal for an Artist Date - a visit to the Montreal Museum of Fine Arts to see the works of Kees van Dongen. I saw his work for the first time on the museum's Web site and I am smitten. The colours, the portraits, the energy... they speak to me so.

It's a four-day weekend and I look forward to some downtime. It's time to refill the well with rest, presence, and a few right-brain treats.

But first things first: tonight I sleep.

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Sunday, April 05, 2009

Marriage: Challenging Old Patterns

"To make room for something new to happen in your life is to see without filters. You can ignite the spark of fresh ideas and aliveness within your body when you step out of the shadow of the past. You take off a veil of tired old reactions and patterns and step into the reality of the moment."
- Charlotte Kasl, If the Buddha Got Stuck
I'm in wedding mode - talking photo shoots, planning the honeymoon, addressing invitations - and in the midst of it all mulling over what it means to be married.

Having been there once before and failed (at the marriage, not at the relationship and its purpose) I can't help but colour my perception of being married with that experience, wondering what to do differently and what it takes to make it work.
Reading the above passage last night triggered a thought that maybe I should stop doing that.

By focusing on the past I'm creating my present and future based on the person I used to be and outdated expectations of how I thought my life would turn out. Maybe if I let that go - or at least let it be - I'll free up the emotional space it's been hogging and make room not only for new experiences based on who I am today, but maybe even a new definition of what marriage could be.

I've known this intellectually for a while, last night it seems to have clicked at another level.

Gone is the belief that being married means losing myself, I can be me and we can be we.

Ousted is the expectation that being married necessarily means buying a house and settling down if that's not what we want. All of a sudden I'm thinking road trips, travelling across North America with Cassie in tow, parking our Airstream by a secluded lake for a midday skinny-dip.


In are the notions of discovery, choice and possibility.

I'm thinking adventure in tandem, whether that means hitting the road or setting roots, and that excites me.

How liberating.

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Wednesday, April 01, 2009

Mid-week Gratefuls

Because I feel like it, here are a few things for which I am grateful today:
  • D. and Cassie
  • we're in the final stages of prepping the wedding invitations, I've only had one meltdown and the wedding is still on
  • opportunity
  • painting
  • learning
  • my ever supportive and fun circle of friends and family
  • my warm bed
  • my home
  • the new earrings I just got from Sis and Bro-in-Law for my birthday
  • potential new projects - the process of getting excited about them even if they don't materialize
  • my upcoming Abstract Painting class
  • my upcoming Nia class
  • creative energy
  • rest
  • my paycheck
  • escaping in The Story of Edgar Sawtelle
  • morning pages
  • Squam
  • my little Honda Civic
  • an upcoming getaway to Montreal with D. to see the Tragically Hip
  • lazy Saturday mornings
  • the morning song sparrow, cardinal and chickadees at my window
Because I felt like it. I am blessed.

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