A New Experiment

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
- Anais Nin

I'm ready. Thank you for being here with me. Please join me at my new digs, my Creative Living Experiment.

Love and hugs,
Steph
xox

My Blog, My Journey

***Warning: Long and self-indulgent post ahead.***

January quietly marked the third anniversary of this blog. Without any set expectations, I started Urban Living Experiment with the hopes that it would help me take note of the world around me, write regularly and document my experience as a first-time urbanite.

Little did I know how much more it would do.

The first year and a half was no doubt the most intense with plenty to write about: I separated from my husband and moved from a bungalow in a ritzy neighbourhood to a funky apartment downtown; I took an 11-month sabbatical from my cube-bound government job; I rebuilt my social network from scratch; I volunteered, took solo trips, stumbled and swayed through music festivals; I played hostess, took writing classes and unearthed my sexy side by learning how to pole dance. I create a home. I cried, I laughed, I loved.

It was a time of intense connection to my Higher Power, my sense of self and my surroundings - a time for new experiences with much fodder for reflection and storytelling.

Somewhere in year two, post-sabbatical, the intensity of my writing went down significantly. Despite a full life with new experiences (a new job, backcountry camping, moving in with D), my energy was sapped by a return to full-time work. During the next year or so I would often feel tired and disconnected, and was very much aware that the previous year's zest for life was gone.

Fast forward to today. I continue to enjoy and expand the social network I started three years ago; I've re-discovered the part of me that craves creative expression and I'm finally taking steps to nurture it; I'm exploring ways to find or create meaningful work. Hell I'm even getting hitched again.

As I navigated the ebbs and flows of the past three years, Urban Living Experiment was my constant companion. Did it meet my original goals to take note, write and document? Absolutely. But it did so much more. It captured my moods, my interests and my headspace; it became a vehicle through which I could set - and meet - goals (NaBloPoMo 2007, Solstice Reflections); it enabled - and continues to enable - connections with an amazing network of women across North America.

For all of the above and for you, lovely readers, I am grateful. Thanks for sharing the ride.

A Tapestry of Linguistic Symbols

You as a writer create a tapestry of linguistic symbols on paper that enable your reader to unravel your meaning as best he or she can. You cannot communicate your meaning except as you articulate it and your reader re-creates it via the medium of language.
- V. A. Howard and J. H. Barton, Thinking on Paper

I write a lot. I write at work, I write here, I write everyday on emails, Facebook or sticky notes. Never once have I considered any of it as a tapestry of linguistic symbols set forth for unraveling. What a beautifully worded reminder of the delicate relationship between author and reader, and of the all-reaching potential of a well-written piece.

Reflections of a Facebook Newbie

Things that have crossed my mind since joining Facebook two weeks ago:

• Now I have one more thing to check when I log in: email, my blog, other blogs, Facebook.
• For the past four years I've worked to keep my life separate from my ex-husband's, now there's a chance our lives may connect virtually through mutual friends. It's forcing me to manage those connections and deal with some baggage. I'm not sure to what extent I'm ready for that.
• It's fun to connect - or re-connect - with friends and family through casual comments, questions & photos. I enjoy getting a glimpse into their everyday lives.
• I crave validation and want to belong just as much as I did in junior high. Although I'm not all that surprised, I didn't think it would be that immediate or obvious; joining Facebook brought those insecurities to the surface. Damn.
• Since joining Facebook, I spend more time writing and reading snippets of information and less time writing and reading in-depth pieces. I want to manage that. I don't want my writing and blog posts to take a hit.
• When I look people up on Facebook I feel like a stalker. I'm not sure I'm comfortable with that.
• Connecting with the girls from Squam on Facebook brings me right back to last September's magical weekend in New Hampshire. It keeps me in tune with a creative vibe that makes me feel alive and fills me with Love and possibility. It feels good.

Facebook challenges my ability to manage my time, my emotional reactions and my priorities more than I thought it would. It also allows me to nurture existing connections with friends & family, and opens me to new connections and opportunities that otherwise might not happen.

As I read through my list of thoughts, I can't help but wonder if it's having the same effect on others and if so, what kind of impact - pros and cons - could that mean for society as more and more people adopt a "Facebook" way of life?

Just a few thoughts from a Facebook newbie...

Dearest November

Dearest November,

Dreary and grey, you lead us into the darkness of winter

Necessary to re-embrace the light come spring.

Minor Blog Changes

Just a quick note to let you know that I've made a few changes to the blog's content on the right-hand side:

• removed my list of Recent Movie Picks
• shuffled my Regular Reads to include The Simple Dollar and Wonderings & Wanderings (formerly Bohemian Creations)

I may make other changes, I may not. I'm toying with the idea of adding my current book picks, featuring specific articles or blogs, and redesigning my blog with a completely different look & feel. Opportunity to redefine my space in the blogosphere abounds.

A Blogging Milestone

Friday marked two years since my first post here at Urban Living Experiment. Hurray!

For the past two years I've chronicled my thoughts and experiences, sadness and joys, insights and ideas. The process of writing kept me on my toes and helped me notice the world around me - one of the reasons I chose to blog in the first place. It also taught me a lot about myself.

It's time for a change though. My original Urban Living Experiment is ending soon and I think this particular blog should end with it. I will continue to blog but I want my space in the blogosphere to evolve with me, and in the next few months I hope to change things around a little.

I'm excited about creating something fresh. It's a chance to redefine the medium through which I note, observe, communicate and process what's going on in and around me. I hope you'll continue the journey with me.

In the meantime, I thank you for staying with me for the past two years and I celebrate this milestone. Who knew I'd make it this far? I certainly didn't.

The End of an Experiment

I've been wanting to write for a few days now but since my apartment is full of move-related "to-do's" these days, I realized the only way I'd write anything would be by escaping them completely. So here I am happily perched with my laptop at my favourite coffee shop.

I wasn't even sure what to write about when it dawned on me that two years ago this week I moved to my sweet downtown apartment. Although the blog came a few weeks later, my urban living experiment has hit its two-year mark. Wow.

Enhanced by my sabbatical, the past two years have been a whirlwind of emotion, laughter, tears, friendship, new experiences, independence, discovery and love.

Going in, my goal was to stay at least two full years in my apartment - I craved stability. I did it. I gave myself a home. I built an amazing circle of friends. I fell in love. I had tea, I did lunch, I got drunk. I danced, I skated, I hiked. I explored, I hunkered, I relished what life had to offer. It was an amazing journey for which I am forever grateful.

Soon my urban living experiment as I know it will come to an end. Although technically I'll still be in the city, it will be different. As it should be. So I will enjoy the few weeks I have left in my urban home and continue my experiment 'til the end. After that? I guess I'll be busy relishing what comes next.

Cool Book Finds

I'm excited! I scored three fun new-to-me books this week:

• Sewing & Collecting Vintage Fashions (from Medieval times to the early 1900's)
• Sex, Nursery Rhymes & Other Evils - A Look at the Bizarre, Amusing, Sometimes Shocking Advice of Victorian Childcare Experts
• A Short Guide to Writing About Film

In addition to feeding my obsession about all things past, I even managed to find a book that combines two of my favourite hobbies: writing and movies! Total price paid? Four bucks.

I love it.

Now I Can't Stop

It feels weird not writing a post after having written one every day for a month. Now I can't stop. So I wrote this one.

I Did It!

I posted 30 posts in 30 days during National Blog Posting Month. Hurray!

Thanks to those who reminded me to post and encouraged me along the way. It was a fun experience. It kept me thinking, noticing and most of all writing, every day. I liked it so much I might try it again someday.

Halfway There

This is post #15 of my self-imposed, self-monitored National Blog Posting Month challenge. Hurray!

So far I've enjoyed the experience of posting every day. Not only is it an excellent excuse to write more often, I find I'm more alert to what's going on around me - what I see, what I read, what I feel - because everything could become the subject of that day's post.

I do however find it tough on nights when I'm feeling crappy or tired. It's hard to feel inspired and write when all you want to do is curl up in a ball and whimper. But I've done it.

So tonight I celebrate my halfway mark - only 15 more posts to go ...

30 Days, 30 Posts

Ok, I’m giving this National Blog Posting Month thing a shot - 30 days, 30 posts.

I haven't registered with the official NaBloPoMo Web site yet but I've issued the challenge to myself, and now I've gone public by posting about it. So far so good.

The Legend of Lacey

The great lady Lacey she comes once a year
Her story’s so sad it’s caused many a tear
No one knows for sure how she came to depart
But it’s legend she died of a still broken heart

She’s elegant, classy, so please have no fear
She simply comes looking for one who was dear
She comes in October on All Hallow’s Eve
It’s all part of healing, of trying to grieve

Her beauty and might give glimpse to her strength
Her eyes and her spirit show she’s suffered at length
Oh how she remembers that knock at the door
That told her she’d lost her beloved to war

She remembers him dearly, from a time far away
But nor sadness nor grief has led to dismay
Her courage and faith keep her hopeful each year
That she’ll find him, she’s closer, she feels him, he’s near

So tonight if you’re careful, you may see or hear
Lacey praying or calling, but be there no fear
She’ll be searching as always, with love and with grace
With beauty and spirit, and a gown made of lace.

- October 31, 2004

This is based on a Halloween ghost Sis, another friend and I pieced together with a lace tablecloth, a feathered mask and a hanger. We named her Lacey. When Sis asked if we should put a Remembrance Day poppy on her we decided not to, but our friend suggested that maybe she’d lost her husband to war and died of a broken heart. I felt moved to write about it.

NaBloPoMo

November is National Blog Posting Month - NaBloPoMo for short. The goal is for participating bloggers to post something every day for a total of 30 posts.

I'm still undecided, but it sounds like a fun challenge doesn't it? Whether I have 30 days worth of something interesting to say remains to be seen too. Hm.

I have to think about it; I'll keep you posted ... tee hee.

A Whole Lotta Goodness

It seems I've been a fairweather blogger lately, but tonight I write. Nothing fancy, I just write. It feels good.

For the first time in about six months, I felt inspired to pack up the ol' laptop and walk to my favourite café. The smell of fresh coffee, sound of background chatter and funky jazz rhythms are invigorating. I feel inspired and alive, and that feels good.

Slowly but surely I'm reincorporating bits & pieces of what made my sabbatical so fulfilling into an everyday life that now includes full time work. It feels good.

Whether it's hanging out at my favourite coffee shop, making myself healthy, wholesome meals or registering for an exercise class, it feels good.

Whether it's sleeping when I'm tired, rediscovering my creativity or taking in the urban vibe, it feels good.

I've pondered my career options, regained interest in local events, sustainability and simple living, and booked time off from work to attend my former Thursday morning writers group. It feels good.

For the first time in several weeks I feel eager to move on, to embrace life and become what I know I can be. And THAT my friends, just for today, feels oh so good.

A Few Poems

I don't consider myself a poet, but I found these in my Drafts folder and thought it would be fun to post them.

I'd just watched Dreamland and for some unknown reason felt inspired to jot down my thoughts in bits & pieces. I remember sitting at my keyboard, closing my eyes and typing whatever surfaced. Here's part of the outcome, with minimal editing:

disconnected from the world
drifting from reality
into the past
into the future
anywhere but the present
I seek peace
but find none
- January 19, 2007


the world outside
greets me with open arms
am I willing to jump into her embrace and live?
- January 19, 2007


inspiration abounds
words flow
a stream of light
of energy
of God
- January 19, 2007